9 Months

Ethan...
You are almost a year old...has it really been 9 months since that day? June 15th was a day of mixed emotions...we were scared but so thankful to have you here with us. So much has happened since that day but we are forever grateful for everything it has taught us. We appreciate everything you do...the littlest things you do makes me cry tears of happiness. I feel like I didn't savor all these moments when your brother was your age. I am going to tell you this for the rest of my life but you are the strongest person I know. You are going to have an amazing future...I can feel it!

You love laughing at your brother and being held by him. You love his kisses and his hugs. You love bath time now!

You are eating solids now...you love the fruit and is not a big fan of veggies.

Cause you were in the hospital for alot of your life your body was not the strongest when you came home but you have exceeded every ones expectations. You have been rolling over for a while now but now you are learning to sit up. It takes so much strength to do that...

You love your "piano" toy and your jumper. Your brother loves these toys too! :)

Your stats are:
Weight: 16 lbs
Height: 26 1/2 inches long
That's a major weight gain from just 3 1/2 pounds 9 months ago. Your are in 6-9 month clothes and do not mind all the little hats I put on you.

I love you big time my little monkey! Thank you for making my life so much better!

xo

Mommy

ShutterMomma

Through out this blog I mention one of my best friends, Erin Tukua. Not only is she an amazing friend but she is also an amazing photographer. She has been taking my family pictures for the past couple years and she was the one that captured our first family of four pictures.

I am so excited for Erin and her new venture and happy to introduce everyone to her new site that is specifically designed to teach all the mom's and dad's out there how to take "professional" looking pictures of your kiddos. I have a camera that I have no idea how to use, so I am extremely excited to start learning how to use it...correctly! She started it with another (amazing) local photographer and they have lessons and tips that us "non professionals" would understand :)

You have to go check it out!
http://shuttermomma.com/

Learn how to use your camera for free :)

just a week late...

So the past week was really busy for us so I have not been able to even get on the computer to post anything...I'm sorry! Ethan is home and has been since the day after his surgery. He was in ALOT of pain for a few days after he was discharged. In the most pain I have seen him actually. When they put this new shunt in they had to make an incision in his neck, so I think that was what was causing him so much pain. It is so hard to see your baby hurting so much and knowing there is not much I can do but give him a little pain medication. I was afraid to hold him wrong or to let him cry cause I knew it would be using the muscles in his neck. When Brayden got his first cold, I cried. When Brayden got his first scrap on his knee, I panicked and cried a bit more. But seeing Ethan, my 8 month old, suffer from pain from one of his numerous surgeries just about killed me.

The day I found out he would need another surgery I cried and kept asking why is this happening to us? Why him? I know Ethan is now considered an Ex- Preemie but he is still dealing with something that happened as a preemie baby...he kind of always will. Now that he has been home for a while (except for those two days) I find myself going back to his birthday day and all that time in the hospital. I cry, I get sad, I get angry and I try to figure out what I did wrong. It keeps me up at night but after I let myself "grieve" for a bit I think about the following poem that a friend of mine sent me right after Ethan's birth. I just have to remind myself that there is a reason I was chosen to be his mommy and how lucky I am that he is in my life.

Did you ever wonder how the mothers of premature babies are chosen?



Somehow, I visualize God hovering over Earth, selecting his instruments for propagation with great care and deliberation. As he observes, he instructs his angels to take notes in a giant ledger.


"Armstrong, Beth, son. Patron Saint, Matthew.


Forrest, Marjorie, daughter. Patron Saint, Celia.


Rutledge, Carrie, twins. Patron Saint...give her Gerard. He's used to profanity."


Finally, he passes a name to an angel and smiles.


"Give her a preemie."




The angel is curious. "Why this one, God? She's so happy."


"Exactly," smiles God.


"Could I give a premature baby a mother who knows no laughter? That would be cruel."


"But does she have the patience?" asks the angel.


"I don't want her to have too much patience, or she'll drown in a sea of self-pity and despair. Once the shock and resentment wear off, she'll handle it.I watched her today. She has that sense of self and independence so rare and so necessary in a mother. You see, the child I'm going to give her has a world of its own. She has to make it live in her world, and that's not going to be easy."


"But Lord, I don't think she even believes in you."


God smiles. "No matter, I can fix that. This one is perfect She has just the right amount of selfishness."


The angel gasps, "Selfishness?! Is that a virtue?"


God nods. "If she can't separate herself from the child occasionally, she will never survive. Yes, here is a woman whom I will bless with a child less than perfect. She doesn't know it yet, but she is to be envied. She will never take for granted a spoken word. She will never consider a step ordinary.


When her child says momma for the first time, she will be witness to a miracle and know it. I will permit her to see clearly the things I see-- ignorance, cruelty, prejudice-- and allow her to rise above them. She will never be alone. I will be at her side every minute of every day of her life because she is doing my work as surely as she is here by my side."


"And what about her Patron Saint?" asks the angel, his pen poised in the air.


God smiles. "A mirror will suffice."

Ethan has changed my life...for the good. He has made me view things with a whole new set of eyes. When he first did his "belly laugh" I cried so hard! I thought to myself why they heck am I crying...he is obviously so happy!!! Haha...but its because he is so happy that I was crying.:) Nothing brings this kid down.

Yes, he will have a few more surgeries in his life but he is healthy now. He has already overcame so much in his 8 months on the earth, he has already inspired so many.

We knew this day would come...

just did not think it would be so soon. On Monday I took Ethan to his GI appointment and it went great! The doc was impressed with how much weight he has gained. He is over 15 pounds which means he gained five pounds since he last saw him...which was only 20 days ago! His liver enzymes are back to normal now too(it was high due to a medication he was on before). So everything with that was good! Yesterday we had an appointment with his neurosurgeon for a followup...it was supposed to be an easy visit. So I decided taking Brayden with me would be fine...I was wrong. It was a long day! It turns out the shunt in his head that drains the fluid from his head to his tummy had stopped working!!! Ugh! He was not 100 percent sure at that time so he wanted Ethan to get a CT scan...lets just say an appointment that was supposed to be twenty min long turned into a whole day at the hospital getting tests done. After they confirmed that the shunt was in fact not working, he put Ethan down for surgery to fix the problem. That surgery happened today. We knew that he would need a revision, everybody with Shunts need revisions through out their life...was just hoping for it further down the road.

They started his surgery at 1 pm and it ended at 6...The longest 5 hours of our lives! They shunt stopped working where it was draining...it was in the beginning stages of another pseudo cyst. We had no idea! Thank god for that followup visit. He was acting fine and he was healthy! Before his surgery he was laughing and playing with his toys and doing all the things that he loves doing. The surgery went fine and it took so long because our surgeon is a perfectionist...they were no difficulties. They replaced the shunt and moved the end of the shunt to the heart. He now has a VA shunt. It is going to be more revisions and a little more complicated if he gets an infection but he is a strong baby...he has that on his side for sure.

Ethan is resting comfortably and they are keeping him overnight for observations. It was good that we caught the malfunction early before he started getting sick over it. Other than the malfunction he has been doing great and all the doctors are so impressed with him. We were in the cafeteria today after the surgery and we ran into one of the doctors that was in the OR today and he told my mom that he has dealt with so many preemies and he has never met an ex 28weeker who is doing so well and is so strong. He stressed how revisions with shunts are common...it is the piece of plastic a.k.a the shunt that is the problem...usually not the person. Yes, he spent a lot of time in the hospital before because of that pseudo cyst from his shunt but at the end of the day he is a lot luckier than other ex 28weekers. He has fought a tough fight and he has beat a lot of odds. I am so proud of him.

I have had a long 48 hours with little to no sleep. So I hope this all makes sense. We are praying that he does well tonight with pain and he doesn't get any fevers. I will write an update in a couple days. I can't wait to get my little monkey home.

Here is a picture of the lil man after his surgery...he is super sleepy cause they gave him some stuff for pain. But he is perfect...I love him so much!