Halloween fun!

Before Ethan had to go back into the hospital we took the boys to pick out a pumpkin. Ethan was sleeping the whole time but Brayden had fun with daddy picking out his pumpkin. Brayden loves them...well he loves everything about a pumpkin except for the "guts". We tried to get him to help us clean it out and he refused. Heaven forbid he got pumpkin stuff on his precious little hands :) Below are a few pictures of our day.



Picking one out...



Resting...picking out pumpkin's is hard work!

Mommy and Brayden



Sleeping away...He looks so small here. He lost some weight from being sick   :(



First and last time touching the pumpkin "guts"

Can't wait till he is home again!

The Halloween fun continues! Brayden had some Halloween festivities today at school. He dressed up and all the little kiddos walked in a parade for all the parents. It was the cutest thing ever...they were all so adorable! After they took some class pictures and then went Trunk-or-treating! Some parents decorated the back of their car and the kids went to each car and got some candy.
Brayden was a dinosaur...he was so adorable! Since I was at school today he cried a bit cause he wanted me but overall he had a blast. I can't wait to take him trick or treating on Sunday with his BFF's, Brody and Brandon! They are all going to be little dinosaurs! Check out some pictures of today!

Our cute little Dinosaur

Walking in the parade.

He just realized I was there :)

His whole costume...tail and all!

Lining up for class pictures...he is next to Brody

Trunk or treat time!

Erin decorated her trunk and baby Gavin was the main attraction. Cow costume and all :)

Here we go again...

We had him home for 9 days...ugh! He is back into the hospital. It is his tummy issues again. About a week and a half ago we started him on a new formula to fortify his milk with and it fixed the "gas" problem in his tummy but it started making him throw up. Every feed he would throw up! So we took him to his doctor and they mentioned how they think it is severe acid reflux...I wasn't convinced that it was the cause so this past weekend I decided to stop the formula and just give him milk. he did well with it...never threw it up. But the problem is since he is an ex-preemie he needs more calories than just milk can give him...so we will have to find a formula that works with him. Anyways, from the whole week of throwing up he ended up losing SOOOO much weight and became dehydrated.

Yesterday I went to pick up Brayden from preschool and I had ethan hooked up to his apnea monitor and his heart rate alarm started going off. This apnea machine was sent home with us when he left the NICU for when he sleeps. He never has any apnea spells or he never bradys (low heart rate). It never ever went off before...I knew something was wrong.  So I took him to urgent care and his temp was a little low so they sent me to the ER. When she said it...it was instant tears. I knew he would be admitted...AGAIN! So I went and sure enough because he lost so much weight and dehydrated they kept him. They are also thinking there is a little obstruction in his tummy that is stopping all the food to go through the intestines and absorb the nutrients. He has a hernia and that can very well be the answer to all this tummy trouble.We had orginally chosen his surgery date for the on the 16th of Nov but now we are going to do it this admission. The rest of this week will be focus on trying to put the weight back on...once the surgeon thinks he is strong enough he will go in and fix the hernia's. If that is the cause of the blockage we will start feeds again and focus on finding a formula that he is not allergic too and then bring our little man home from the hospital for hopefully the last time!

I am so thankful to Millers children Hospital for my little miracle but I am just so over going there! The question that EVERYONE keeps asking me is how I am holding up. I gave birth to my little boy in June and I have had him home for a total of 2 weeks...so here it is I'm hurting so much, I am sad and broken. I feel a little empty inside. Life with a newborn isn't supposed to be like this. Ethan, Brayden Jon and I deserve so much more. That being said...Brayden is giving me the strength to get through my days. He makes me smile and he comforts me. If I am crying he rubs my back and tells me "its okay mommy" "I love you mommy". He makes me realize that one day this will be my past.

A couple days ago we took the boys to the pumpkin patch and I have some pictures in my camera. I will try to post them tonight or tomorrow.

Keep lil Ethan in your prayers...Thank you!

Never give up

So Ethan is back home...again. Yay! He was in this time for about 2 weeks. It was for tummy issues...his tummy was getting super big and the xrays were showing a massive amount of gas. So they would stop feeds, put him on iv's so they can help his tummy go back down. Then they would start feeds again with pedylite and he would do great, then move to milk and once again he would do great then they would start fortifying it with formula and his tummy would get big again. So about a week ago we asked if they could change the formula and the GI doc wasn't even giving it a thought! She said no, it has to be something else. So they continued giving that formula and would have to once again stop his feeds, put him on IV and so on. And another big issue was he wasn't gaining any weight. We were so PISSED because our gut was saying it was the formula and they wouldn't change it. One bad thing about the hospital, we are at their mercy...they get the final call! So finally after begging, arguing, crying and a new GI doc we finally convinced them to try another formula that wasn't milk based. They tried it yesterday and now he is home. He did well with it and it turned out to be a cow's milk protein allergy. We were his only advocate and we believed so strongly that the problem was his formula and we fought till we were blue in the face and it payed off! I was mad because we could have had him home sooner but I'm not going to dwell. I have my son home and we are soooo happy.

I will update with some pictures soon...just getting back into the routine of having two at home again :)

Wordless Wednesday: Missing the lil bro

Little Houdini...aka Brayden

We have had some problems these past few days when it comes to putting Brayden to bed at night. It usually happens when Ethan is in the hospital. Since we moved Brayden into his "big boy bed" we have been putting the gate up at his door to help keep him inside his room. The gate worked great...until last night. He kissed his daddy good night and him and I went into his room. I read him his books (two dinosaur and a prayer book) and then like always give him a kiss and leave. Well he cried and screamed and that went on for a good 10- 15 min...then it was silent. So I gave it a few more minute and went to check on him and this is what I found. Excuse the HORRIBLE lighting, it was taken from my cell phone.

This is Brayden sleeping outside his room on the other side of the gate. The gate was in tact...it wasn't pushed or anything. My mom asked him today how he ended up sleeping outside his room and he showed us. He climbs over it and even uses the banister to help him get over it. It does not look like a tall gate in the picture but it is.  He sure knows how to make me smile!

Ethan Update

Ethan has been doing really well and not feeding him has actually helped him out alot. The doctors are not convinced that he has what they originally diagnosed him with (figures) but since he is responding well to the tummy rest they decided to continue. Originally they said no eating for 7 to 10 days but the doctor mentioned maybe trying food sooner...maybe today and see how his body responds.

The reason they admitted him was because he had some inflammation in his intestines and they have been monitoring it daily with xrays and so far the xrays have been showing progress each day and yesterday it showed little to none inflammation. So his little body is on the right track. Since they stopped his bottle feedings, he has an IV that gives him nutrients and lipids. Everything our body needs on a daily basis. So he is getting the nutrition needed and he even gained a little weight from it :)

Its been pretty hard on us and especially Brayden...we pulled up to the hospital the other day and he said "Ethan's house"! I bursted into tears. Its what he knows. His little immune system will be stronger soon so these little setbacks won't land him in hospital eachtime and Brayden will have his brother at home and he will call home as "Brayden and Ethan's house"!

Not sure how to feel anymore

One minute we are living the perfect life and the next we are back in hell. I don't understand how life after the NICU can still be an up and down rollercoaster. The doctors told us that many NICU grads come back to the hospital after discharge but I guess I didn't want to believe it at the time.

So Ethan is back in. He was home for one week...just one week. The last time he was readmitted it was for a viral infection (a cold) and now its for something with his intestines. Something that preemies and newborns can get...but with preemies more. THANK GOD we caught it in time because it can be alot worse but still its just not fair. We just want both our boys home with us, I want to be that family that I envisioned when we found out we were expecting Ethan. The family that everyone else I know has...the whole family at home. Anyways, the plan of attack right now is stopping feeds for 7 to 10 days and antibiotics. After the 7 or 10 days they will begin feeds again and if he tolerates that then he can come home. It is a slow recovery but the doctor is completely optimistic. So here we go again. Poor Ethan, my son deserves so much more from his life right now. All I keep thinking is if only I could have kept him in a little longer...maybe alot of this could have been avoided. It turned out to be a dangerous pregnancy and I realize that he needed to come out but alot of "what ifs" keep going through my mind. But he is strong and has fought off so much and we are so proud of him. He is an amazing little boy.

So I'm sorry to my friends and family now if I am distant these next few weeks...life will be all about juggling time between my two boys. I just pray that this is the last time we need to take him back in.